Arizona Governor Jan Brewer has thoroughly embarrassed herself the past few days after giving the world’s worst opening statement at her first debate of her re-election campaign. But now she has picked up the ball and ran home, saying she will never debate again.
The only reason she agreed to debates, the much-maligned and mocked governor said, was so she was eligible for $1.7 million in public funds for her campaign. Now she can take the money and sit back with her anti-brown-people law and just wait for re-election to happen without embarrassing her state further in the national media.
“I certainly will take my message in a different venue out to the people of Arizona,” she said.
What sort of venue? It doesn’t say, but we can safely assume it’s not a taco stand.
So Geraldo Rivera just had his 40th anniversary in journalism, and he used the occasion to demonstrate the incredible amount of wisdom he has accumulated over those 40 years.
Now, before you complain and point out that hindsight means pretty much everyone could figure out some way the attacks could’ve been stopped, just know that this is no run of the mill retroactive terrorist attack prevention program.
This one uses hurricanes.
As Rivera explained this morning on the always hilarious Fox & Friends, “…if only a hurricane had come on 9/11. They didn’t know how to use the instruments, the terrorists. They took off in Boston and literally, after they took over the aircraft they steered by line of sight. It was that crystal clear September day, and if it were only one of these weather days, history would have been rewritten. And I think about that a lot now, especially this time of year: the peak of hurricane season.”
And just think about this: if that terrorist-fighting hurricane had been Hurricane Katrina, New Orleans would’ve been fine.
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer is now well known in the national media for her fear of the evil Mexicans who are invading her state and instituting Burrito Law. But now she’s running for re-election, and things hit a snag Wednesday night.
One would think an experienced politician would be able to think on her feet and at least list off a few talking points, but based on her words and long pauses, Brewer has no idea what she has done or why she is running for re-election.
She should have just shaken a maraca for five seconds and then passed it back to the moderator. Because that’s what her administration comes down to.
Why has Chicago dentist William DeJean bought tv ads in New Orleans for Hillary Clinton? “I’m a dentist and I don’t think this country is headed in the right direction,” he told CNN. Huh?
Are the country’s problems particularly bad for dentists, or are dentists our wisest governmental efficacy analysts? Did he see something in somebody’s mouth that told him running Hillary Clinton ads was a good idea?
DeJean is planning on running the ad in more cities, because that will surely work.
So he says she is “most qualified” to be president, but how is she more qualified that Barack Obama, who has, we don’t know, actually held the job very recently? And isn’t it a problem that there is approximately a 0% chance she will run, as Obama will almost certainly be his party’s nominee?
If you went to college, you probably thought you were getting an education. What you probably didn’t realize is that you were really MURDERING CHILDREN WITH YOUR TERRORIST WAYS.
As esteemed Professor of Beck-ness Glenn Beck helpfully pointed out on his show yesterday, “I have news for you: there are a lot of universities that are just as dangerous with indoctrination of our children as these terror groups in Iran or North Korea.”
Representatives Eric Cantor, Paul Ryan, and Kevin McCarthy are young conservatives. Or Transformers. Or some kind of pirates.
Whatever they are, they just released a trailer for their new feature filmtv showvideo game book that promises to explain how they are going to get rid of secret foreign Muslim oil spilling Presidents (not naming names) by rolling up their sleeves, walking toward the camera in slow motion, and seducing the shit out of big government.
Well we bet he’s glad he didn’t, because he’s gonna need that studio to advertise his new rally on Washington that is going to be TOTALLY BIGGER THAN GLENN BECK’S RALLY. You know, if he wanted to. I mean, he doesn’t, he’s just saying that if he did feel like it, “300,000 people on the heels of six months’ promotion, that ain’t no big shakes.”
That’s pretty boss.
We here at District File officially offer our theoretical support to this hypothetical SUPER AWESOME rally.
It’s about time someone stood up for the real victims in the bullying that impacts millions of our nation’s precious children each and every day: the bullies. Luckily, we have Focus On The Family to protect our bullies from those mean gays who are trying to make them stop doing what comes natural to them and beating the shit out of kids for being different.
Or at least that’s what it seems like based on Focus On The Family’s recent drive to eliminate the anti-Christian “gay rights agenda” that they claim has become the secret focus of anti-bullying efforts.
According to the group’s “educational analyst” Candi Cushman, “these politicized bullying policies are being used as tools to undermine parental rights..and censor or marginalize students and parents with different viewpoints.” Like the viewpoint that the punching-based denial of rights is AWESOME.
So we already know 18% of Americans think President Obama is a Muslim. That’s fine. It’s not like it’s a huge surprise to find out that nearly 1/5 of the country is completely detached from reality. At least most people haven’t gone completely crazy yet.
Okay, never mind. According to a recent Newsweek poll, a majority of Republicans think President Obama “probably wants to impose Islamic law,”
This raises interesting questions, only some of which are “WHYYYYYYY???????????????” Who, for example, are the people who don’t think President Obama is a Muslim yet are fairly certain that he wants to impose Sharia law?
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer has thoroughly embarrassed herself the past few days after giving the world’s worst opening statement at her first debate of her re-election campaign. But now she has picked up the ball and ran home, saying she will never debate again.
